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| Wow. So. Too much to post right now....
I think that, in the early morning hours, I shouldn't be allowed to have internet access. I think this because I just spent like half an hour looking at baby stuff, and I still don't get married for a week and a half. And Jer and I aren't planning to start trying to have a family until May-ish.
Other than that rambling.....
A ton of stuff has happened since September. I threw my back out and couldn't work for a month; I've had a bridal shower; My bridal portraits are this coming Saturday. Did I leave anything out? Oh yeah, I go through the temple for the first time on February 5th. I'm super excited.
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| YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME?!?!
My mother is playing country music at top volume in the house, while I'm trying desperately to finish my Psychology homework before it's due at 5:30 p.m. tonight. Why?? Have I done something to offend her? Did I make some grievous mistake that she is extracting retribution for? Obviously it's one of those things because otherwise she'd turn it off or play something that was tolerable (like Mozart) while I do my homework. I can't wait until I live in an apartment again. I miss it. Wow. I can hardly believe I just said that.
I'm so stressed right now. Work and school and church and wedding planning are killing me. Slowly crushing the life out of me, one second, on breath at a time. I finally got a full 8 hours of sleep last night. It was beautiful. I work up just after 8 a.m. this morning. I got up and sent off a couple of emails I needed to send last week (one to my teacher, one to my boss). It was wonderful to wake up without feeling the heart shattering stress that I feel the rest of the time (especially when I don't get enough sleep).
The last several nights, Robbie (aka Jer) has come to my house and spent around 30 to 45 mins sitting and talking to me before I kick him out so that I can sleep. It's been such a support to me. He is really great. I don't know how I'd be coping without his smile and his touch and his love. I rely on him so much. I feel God's love through his words and his concern. I glimpse Christ in his kindness.
Well, I'm off to the library to finish my Psychology homework in peace. Pray for me, if you're the praying kind.
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| But I can't. One of my best friends is hurting. He's heartbroken, and there's nothing I can say that will make it better. No words of comfort. No scripture verses to bring peace. He refuses to be consoled.
All I can do is listen. It makes me want to cry again.
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| Let me love you. Let me serve you.
The only way to truly learn to love someone is through service to them. When you serve another you set aside your wants, desires, and needs, in order to fulfill the needs, desires, and wants of another.
Sometimes, putting another specific person's needs above your own takes some divine intervention. You have to go to Heavenly Father and sincerely ask to love this other person not only as much as you love and care for yourself, but more than yourself. You have to ask to learn how to love another as much as you love God. This is not an easy task when asked of you towards someone you dislike or mistrust. Contention and love do no co-exist in the same heart easily. But of the sincerely heart, God grants whatever is asked, as long as it is a righteous desire. There is nothing more righteous than to serve another as you would serve Heavenly Father.
Sometimes service is small. It's holding a door open for a stranger. It's helping an overwhelmed mom that you don't know (or do know) at a busy checkout counter. It's teaching someone something that they didn't understand or know. These are still services. These are still things we do out of respect and love for others.
I hope that those in my life will accept my need to be in their service. I love all those who allow me to call them 'friend'.
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| Fall By Clay Walker
Hold up there you go again
Puttin on that smile again
Even though I know you’ve had a bad day
Doin this and doin that
Always puttin’ yourself last
A whole lotta give and not enough take
But you can only be strong so long before you break…
So fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt every fear every worry every tear
Im right here
Baby fall
Forget about the world tonight
All that’s wrong and all that’s right
Lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away
And if you wanna let go baby its okay
Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
Im right here
Baby fall
Hold on hold on hold on to me...
Fall go on and fall apart
Fall into these arms of mine
Ill catch you every time you fall
Go on and lose it all
Every doubt, every fear, every worry, every tear
Im right here
Baby fall
I've been listening to this for the last few days. It's a great song. It makes me think of the people who are always there for me. They know who they are.
I got a letter from Elder Nelson today. He's one of the missionaries who taught me before I got baptized. He also sent me two pictures of my baptism. I screamed into the phone when I saw the envelope. Brian laughed so hard when I was flipping out because one of my missionaries had written. Elder Nelson goes home to Utah on August 1st. I really hope he can come to my and Jer's wedding. It would mean so much to me to have him there. I wrote a long letter back, even though I know he won't get it until after he gets home in August.
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